In the loving memory of yesterday
by living-in-a-utopian-world
Summary: Set after breaking dawn.Follow Renesmee as she struggles to protect her first protector ever-her mom.Why is she not with her family? Where are Edward and Carlisle? What is wrong with Bella? Will Bella survive or this is really the end? second chapter reposted.
1. And I Thought I had finally lost her

**Usually i am not too fond of stories from Renesmee's point of view. I have got nothing against her or something but i simply don't like to see things from her point of view. But then i got this idea and i couldn't help it. I have not yet decided how much time has passed since BD. I would clear this up in the next chapter hopefully. Just to clear it up Renesmee is called _may_ in my story. **

**Disclaimer:- I don't own any of the characters or places used in this story. This is purely a work of fiction and any resemblance to a person or situation is merely coincidental.**

* * *

**And I Thought I had finally lost her**

**(Prologue)  
**

I need this. I reminded myself.

I need this. I need this. _I need this._

It didn't help. I knew. But I had hoped. And slowly my hope was disappearing and guilt was taking its place. I shouldn't have left her alone. It was a mistake. A huge mistake at that. How could I be so selfish to do that to my own mother?

_But you do need this_ - A small voice, in the back of my mind.

I drag my feet forward. I had this idea of going to a rock concert and getting drunk later. That was when I had gotten out of the house with no destination in my mind. I am not running away and leaving her behind-all alone, I said to myself to ease the guilt of what I was doing. I sat all night long on the lone park bench instead. A great idea it turned out to be, to leave that is.

I passed a phone-booth on my way to the park the night before. Even such an insignificant thing brought back painful memories. I remembered when I had called home one night when I was out hunting. After finishing I had decided to take a stroll around the area. I never thought I had come so near to the town that night. I detected a service station nearby with a phone booth in it. I couldn't help myself and called home.

I had so many hopes and they were all shattered when I reached back home with mom. I shivered, not because of the cold weather but because of the dead looks that had been on those familiar faces. Auntie Rose and Uncle Em were back and I couldn't hold my excitement any longer. I rushed to them, to feel auntie's warm hands wrap around me. I left mom alone on the edge of hill that overlooked the family house. Home. I had been very foolish I realize it now. I was welcomed just like I had expected. Warm hugs, worried whispers, quick Questions and warning to never do that again.

But then when I brought mom closer their demeanors changed. The light in their eyes vanished and the haunted look that was on their faces would stay with me forever. I still couldn't believe that it actually happened. But it did and that's why we are here. Running from our own family. But I couldn't let them do that to her. So we ran and ran till we reached this town.

I had called home that night from that booth because I believed that they could never willingly do it. I was right. That was the most difficult conversation I had ever had. I lied. Told half-truths. I cried. And they believed me when I said I need some time alone. I was alone in a way. _In every way._ Someday I am going to find a way to silence this voice. I couldn't take it any longer but somehow resisted the urge to call home again and ran, that's when I found my bench.

May you need to get your sorry self back to the house. Mom would be worried. But there was a high possibility that she hasn't even noticed my absence. That hurt. But it was probably true.

_It is most definitely true_. That voice again. I am beginning to hate that voice. As I grudgingly moved forward I could see the outline of the broken deserted house that mom and I had occupied weeks ago. Two weeks, a day and 19 hours to be precise. I couldn't believe my luck when we stumbled upon this building all those days ago. It looked like a barn but upon closer inspection I realized it was a house-An old farm house.

A smile crept on my lips as I remembered entering into it. It took me a day to get used to the idea that it isn't going to fall down. Surprisingly it was in a good condition. We were lucky. Mom and me. That frightened me. We are never lucky for a long time.

I entered the house; loudly I might add. I didn't want to startle her, if she took notice that is. I played it safe. I went round the sofa to the other side of the room where I knew the switches were. I switched on the lights. I gasped seeing what I saw or rather what I didn't. Mom wasn't in the room. She hasn't moved from here for so long. I looked around in what was supposed to be the dining room. The light from the living room was enough to see the dining and the kitchen connected to it.

I couldn't smell her. We were disguising our scents to be safe. I never imagined the safety precaution to backfire as profusely as it now did. I couldn't think.

I got a sense of a horrifying panic taking over me. My throat had gone dry. My heart was beating rapidly and considering how fast it beats that's saying something. I ran upstairs hoping against hope to find her in one of the bedrooms. I checked both of them. Nothing. I ran down. Then outside through the backdoor. That's it she has gone hunting. Where else? I chastised myself for leaving her, yet again. I ran as fast as I could and circled the perimeter that is something I had picked up from one of Jake's patrol. And from uncle jazz and dad too. She wasn't in the area anywhere. I searched for one and a half hour. What am I going to say to everyone? To dad? What am I going to do?

I walked back defeated to the house. I didn't feel a thing. My mind has stopped responding or comprehending anything. Am I going crazy too? No she isn't crazy. I reprimanded myself. That was something I seemed to be very good at, I noted wryly. I sat down in the chair she had been sitting when I left. I hugged myself. I had lost all sense of time. Minutes, hours, days might have passed but I didn't notice. I stared at the wall willing it to give me back my mom. I felt scared and alone. All alone. I wanted to be home with grandma and grandpa and Aunt Ali and Auntie Rose and uncle Jazz and uncle Em. And more than all to be with dad. But I knew he wasn't at home right now because if he was then I wouldn't be here. He knew nothing of all these along with grandpa. They were gone before mom and I left home. But I need him now. I want him to hug me and say that everything is going to be alright even when we both know it won't. I don't want to be here. Alone. But what if she comes back. She would right? I continued staring.

_It was a bad idea_. I am going to kill this inside voice.

That's when I heard a stirring upstairs. I was afraid. But then I hoped. With that very hope I flung myself with all my strength upstairs I checked the bedrooms maybe I had missed something the last time. Nothing.

I felt hot tears running down my face. I felt …this …this unexplainable pain in my chest. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I took a deep breath and soon started choking on my tears. I didn't care any longer, I hadn't cried in front of her and in a very long time. She is gone now. I broke down. And I cried and cried and cried.

I heard it again. I was sure. It was clearer. I looked up. Nothing. Wait could she… NO of course not what would she do up there. I ran outside. And I tilted my head to survey the house. There on the roof of that house hid by a tree… was she. Tears once again filled my eyes. Tears of relief, tears of sadness and tears of guilt. Guilt because all this time since we began running to now, now when I thought that I had lost her I regretted not taking my family up for the offer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry guys i had been away on a vacation and had no access to the internet so couldn't post for awhile now. I re-read my second chapter and realized there were some changes needed to be done so i am re-posting it.  
**

**Someone said to me that things were a bit unclear so i would like to explain that the previous chapter is a sort of prologue and this chapter i.e the second chapter takes place a long time before the first one. We would come to situation after awhile in the story. For clearer understanding i have now added the word 'prologue' in the first chapter.  
**

**I hope its all cleared up.  
**

**The usual disclaimer holds.  
**

* * *

**Somewhere in the past lies a beginning**

"I Promise I would come soon"

I turned and went back inside. It was not as hard as I had expected. Or maybe I was just too much prepared. Or it was just that this is not the first time that he has left. And certainly not the last either.

I find myself sitting on the sofa beside the floor-to-ceiling windows looking out into the night. I am not sad, I say to myself and to them. Everyone eyes me warily. But I am not sad. They worry for nothing. I said so. And even though I am not looking at them I am certain that Uncle Jazz just rolled his eyes; they are having another silent conversation. Dad and Uncle Jazz. This time I rolled my eyes.

Mom hugged me from the side. I never noticed her sit beside me. I could see why they were worrying. It was still unnecessary. _"We want to see you happy and smiling always"_. I continued to stare outside. There was a light wind out there. I saw the leaves at higher branches flutter. The sky was clear tonight as had been the case with today. I noticed more such obscure things. Dad sighed. I know it is him. Why do they worry so much? Can't I have some time alone? I am not sad. _Oh Really! _

Jake needs some time with his pack too or maybe I just have it backwards. But the point is he needs to be in Forks (La Push actually) every once in a while. And it has been long. I am turning eight in three weeks. I can't see how that will change things. I have stopped growing a long time ago. It feels a long time. One and a half year actually. We had to move out of Forks. Pretty soon for my liking.

They said something to do with people noticing things or such. I never knew what the great deal was. They said I grow too fast. _Is it a wrong thing? _They said '_No_'. It's just different, it seems to me. They said Mom has changed too and people apparently notice such things. _What kind of things? Ain't they good? _No it's not like that, they said, but people don't understand such things. I liked to think that these _people_ are really foolish. _I mean what is wrong with us_? You won't understand was the only reply. But now I know.

It was just a matter of learning that others were not like me. Of Course I knew that not everyone projected images in the mind of others and not everyone had abilities but it was later that I learnt that everyone was just not like us. I always thought that it were Grandpa Charlie and Sue who were different in my world of vampires and werewolves. I never guessed that it was the other way round. But now I know. And I don't know whether it was better before-when I didn't know.

Mom, having guessed that she is not getting anything from me, went back to doing whatever she was doing, a long time ago. It's Okay. I am not sad. Auntie Rose and Uncle Em are away. Grandpa's in the hospital completing the last minute formalities before he could officially start. Uncle Jazz, Aunt Ali and Grandma are away hunting. Mom and Dad are not troubling me so it doesn't matter whatever it is that they are doing. It gave me time to…think, something that I would have rather done without. But _I_ gave up all my chances of getting distracted. _Real genius right?_

It's amazing how everyone else gets so easily settled with so many changes. No one seems to be having any problem at all. They are falling back into the routine of life. It's kind of overwhelming. And the most annoying thing is that they consider me a child. I am almost _eighteen _(granted only physically) but I am even more mature when it comes to the development of mind and _yet they consider me a child. _ Poor grandpa Charlie has the most difficulty dealing with this fact. Probably even more than I have. Oh! Grandpa Charlie, it's so long since I have seen him. Almost a week tomorrow. Maybe we could pay him a visit. I would have to talk with mom and dad. And then I remembered. Grandpa's away on …something. Ugh I wish I had listened to mom when she was saying something about it just now. And then Jake is there too. Even if grandpa had been home it wouldn't have been the most intelligent thing to go now. Because If we go now (which we have no reason to but if we had) then he won't be able to concentrate and his visit would be a big flop. I sighed. Just a few days, I thought to myself.

Forks. Home. It was only forks that I could really think of as a home. With everyone we love close-by. I miss them, I miss the wolves and Sue's cookies and Emiliy's muffins and I miss Claire and heck I even miss Leah. Oh god! I feel like crying. But I don't. I won't. I try thinking of different things. And my eyes land on the locket that is kept on the lower part of central table. It was an ancient one and was gifted to us or rather to mom by the _prestigious _Volturi in general and Aro in particular. We were on friendly terms with them. It was all I could deduce from whatever little time I am allowed in his company. But he has been coming to meet us often after, well, the-_incident-_as I like to call it although it was most obviously so much more than that even if nothing had happened. I don't remember much of it anyway. It is a scary memory and I usually suppress it.

And Aro, well he has been trying very hard to prove to be a friend again, as I once heard grandpa mention. As long as they aren't coming after us for whatever reason all this fakeness was tolerable, it was certainly better than the alternative, mom had previously stated. Aro was sometimes accompanied by Caius and sometimes not. Marcus never came but the wives did, a very few times. The first time he has come like this at our doorstep, even though we had been ready because of Aunt Ali's vision it was a shocker. Everyone had been so wary, everyone except Uncle Em, that any moment the whole battalion would step-up from behind him. He was only accompanied by Alec, Felix and Demetri, as I later learned were their names. Mom had been shielding us all, of course. She does that even now. The most worrying were dad most obviously and rather surprisingly-Jake. He never left my side till they were there. And I felt a wave of hurt wash over me.

But I am not sad. Okay I am sad but not for the right reasons. I mean he is my best-friend, I miss him. But I need some space right now. Ever since I came to know about imprinting I felt … strange?

I don't know how I feel about it. _Yeah right!_

Okay maybe I do. It's just that everyone treats me as a child and I am most definitely not a child anymore, neither physically nor mentally. But ever since learning about imprinting I am scared. I don't really even want to grow-up. So where does that leave me. _Nowhere._

I gave up pursuing that line of thoughts. But somehow I know that all this time I wasn't sulking (although I don't like to call it that but there is no other term for this) for Jake's absence but because I was kind of happy for it.

* * *

Alice saw Jacob leaving - in reality - not in one of her visions. For some reason Alice felt sad, she has grown used to having Jacob around. She knew that he would come back soon, he always did. He could never stay away from May for a long time. But Alice understood that Jacob's pack needed him just like he needed them. May stayed out a long time waving until the car had disappeared to even Alice's heightened sight. She came back inside just as the sun was setting down. It was difficult seeing with May around but Alice slowly discovered that she could still see others in her vision if she concentrated. All except May. And Jacob.

May. Alice smiled as she remembered how Renesmees' name came about. She was reading a book with May as the lead character. Alice remembered how that little darling had loved that book and more so the name. Bella had once called Renesmee 'May' in fun stating that she was just like the lead character. Beautiful, brave and lively. And it stuck.

But presently Alice found May sitting in a corner and sulking. She saw Jasper and Edward having a silent conversation and Bella trying to comfort May. Alice went into the kitchen where she knew Esme was. She was setting up the kitchen. Alice moved in to help her although she knew that Esme didn't need it. But it felt good. Setting up the house was one of the few things that Alice liked about moving. It gave a chance to keep the mind busy and provided so many possibilities with a same item to be put up in different ways with changing houses so often. They liked Forks a lot. It was the place that had completed their family, completed it in a way that they never dreamt of. Even Alice didn't know of the surprises that Forks had held. Earlier it was just another place, now it was a home.

They had moved away from their home in Forks but they did not move away from forks, until now. One year after Bella's change they had to move but they also didn't want to move. So they moved in a cottage sort of thing, far enough from forks so as not to rise suspicion but not far away either. They had all taken a break. After seven years they were ready to move-on, after seven years now that May has stopped growing, after seven years they realized now that it is time to begin once again and therefore they had moved to Astoria, Oregon. It was larger than forks both in area and population. But just like Forks it had enough Rainy days. They had a house here too. Although they haven't been here before. Generally they moved across the country after the time was over but this time they had to keep near Charlie and it was certainly not a long ride. Five to six hours normally but not more than an two hour and half for them, that too when they are feeling slightly lazy. None from their old school were around this area. Edward had made sure and Alice too did not get any such vision. So it was near to Forks but safe nonetheless. Plus they had been out for almost eight years. It's a long time-for a human, that is. It felt long, even to her because so much has happened in those eight years. So much good has happened along with a little bad things. And in the middle of it somewhere comes the friendly visits from the Volturi. From Aro mainly.

Aro was afraid, Alice realized as anyone could have guessed, of the apparently _enormous_ threat that Carlisle's _coven _represented to the Volturi. But as he warmed to the idea that Cullens never did and never would have any desire for such power his stance changed from a frightened ruler- afraid of losing his throne to that of a long lost friend. Alice had been so worried when she first saw Aro coming. She along with everyone else couldn't comprehend the purpose behind such a sudden and unanticipated visit. Yet there wasn't much that they could do. There weren't large numbers involved this time and they didn't want to scare their friends for something that could very well turn out be nothing at all! Plus they didn't have much time, too. Alice was sure that Aro could never be so foolish as to eradicate them without any reason whatsoever. And he could certainly not get away with it after coming in the eyes of everyone the last time. But the things that assured them were that they had Bella and Alice hadn't seen anyone new who could possibly hope to render Bella helpless. It was the only thing that helped them keep calm. That and the fact that after a few hours of her vision Alice saw a letter coming which did come eventually after another hour-containing the information of Aro visit. She construed that it must mean something that he was willingly informing them of his arrival in a profound sense.

In the end however all their fears proved to be quite futile. Aro now came every once in a while. In the beginning though it was however to make sure that the Cullens actually had no intentions of making a coup. Alice could read it in her eyes and she was no mind reader. Edward however conformed her suspicions but later she herself noticed a change in Aro. After the initial apprehension was overcome Aro actually seemed to enjoy visiting them. He after many attempts got Carlisle to converse with him about the good Ol' days in the library one day during one of his infamous visits. But eventually everyone just accepted things as they were. Alice believed that Aro was now truly convinced that the Cullens do not pose a threat to them and she assumed that with Aro's belief and Marcus' impassive nature Caius would soon overcame his grudges too. Alice wasn't entirely comfortable around him and the only consolation that she could gain was that it was a feeling mutual between them. She was sure none of the Cullens were big fans of Caius either and he generally did not come. The wives came sometimes and they would have been a good company if they weren't so "holier-than-thou" kind or as she remembered Rosalie exclaiming the wives to be '_so-full-of-themselves'._ It was the one thing that she realized that Rose and Jake seemed to agree upon which had nothing to do with May.

It was when Esme said that she was almost done that Alice came back to present. _Funny _she thought to herself _how it was usually from the _future_ that she is dragged back to the present _and started laughing. Esme was confused but no one could _not_ laugh when the one in front of them is laughing and a moment later without even knowing the reason Esme started laughing too. And they continued to work side by side laughing and enjoying. Alice doesn't remember anything of her human life at all but she was sure her own mother couldn't have been half as good a mother as Esme was. And slowly her thoughts drifted towards other, older memories. The one time when Esme had actually grounded them all the first time after threatening to do so for more than a year. And such sweet memories kept coming up.

She heard Jasper and Edward talking and Bella still trying to soothe May. Alice had seen Esme try before her while May was still waving but seeing her hurt in such a way Emse could bear no longer and thus found solace in keeping herself busy by completing the work in kitchen at a slow, human pace. And thus Alice had come here to be with her. Because she understood sometimes just being there conveys a lot more than what a thousand words could do. And a small part of her mind was busy recalling the visions she had had lately.

A week later they would be starting Astoria High school. It would be the first time here. But Alice has already seen the starting of the school year in her visions. Sometimes she really wished to be surprised, sometimes knowing everything in advance left out an element of fun that is in being surprised. She smiled as she remembered her birthday last year. It was a long time since she has celebrated her birthday, living around for a long time does that to you. But this time she did it because of May. Bella and May _had_ surprised her. Alice, Of course, couldn't see May and they had used this to their advantage but Alice had to agree that it was nice not knowing your gift beforehand. It was a different story that she had been unstill untill she opened the gift. When the kitchen was set Esme suggested hunting. There was nothing else to do. They had already set-up everything else. Alice asked Jasper too and he readily agreed.

They went out of the house walking. It was when they reached the edge of the small hill that hid their house from the forest side that they began to run. Alice looked at the clear sky and gazed at the full moon taking in the beauty of the night. '_This is how our life here would be; beautiful and natural. All the nights spend here would be normal just like they were before.' _thought Alice as she ran, full speed, after her prey.

Little did she knew then, that this would be their only normal night for a long time, again.

* * *

**I would try posting as soon as possible. The story might take sometime to get completed but I Promise that I would be completing it. **


End file.
